New to dating sites. How do I avoid getting hurt?

I've recently joined a well-known dating site after a painful break-up. I thought it would boost my confidence if I put my toe in the water by talking to new men on-line, from the safety of my own sofa. But actually it has shot my anxiety level sky-high!

I hadn't known that on-line dating was such a harsh world after all. People don't reply, they outright ignore you...I keep feeling rejected and hurt. Maybe it's not for me, but I don't meet men in my everyday life. This platform feels like my only hope. Any advice?

 

Hey Comfie, I understand its difficult to get any attention online but its not much different from "real life". I think you should take your time getting to meet people and accepting the fact that your chance of finding someone genuinely interested will be hard and take time. I believe you'll be able to find someone if you keep on trying!

 

There is not much that you can do to avoid getting hurt because no one is perfect and people can do things that will make you feel hurt despite you taking various precautions to prevent that. What you can do though is to bear in mind certain things that you can do to lessen the chances of you getting hurt.

Three things are:
1) Never put 100% of your trust in people because people are imperfect, therefore, they can hurt you and most time will;
2) Get to know the person before going all the way with the person. Know his dislikes, relatives, beliefs, expectations, etc., so you will know where you stand and if you should continue the relationship or not;
3) Never reveal everything or much about yourself in the early phases of dating him. What if he hurts you then leave? He will leave with your secrets or use you secrets to hurt you.

 

Been hurt by your love one is a normal thing because only the one you love and cherish can cause you pain with no gain. If you are finding love, it is going to be hard but when love finds you, then the world is yours. You can meet someone online and that person right feed you with lies and you might believe it but physical seeing is more understanding tovme than meeting up online

 

I agree. I had complete trust in a guy I was dating at the time who I later found out did something to me. Adding to what Shana said, I would also look out for warning signs, even little ones that people would normally dismiss, but don't go overboard and obsess over every little thing. Just keep a list of things they do or say that does not sit right with you and look over the list periodically when you can see the sign(s) more objectively.

 

It takes a lot of strength and risk to move on from the fallout of and relationship. I think you have the right idea about 'dipping your toe in the water' and just talking to a few different guys. No matter how you go about meeting a new guy, you should absolutely take the advice given above and get to know them well. You should also take your time, it is your future after all. Unfortunately, most dating sites are populated by a high percentage of guys out for some easy flings while they sort out everything else in their lives. If you insist on using dating sites, I would recommend using sites that use language like, 'finding your match' or 'calculate your goals to connect you to'. Avoid sites that use the word 'dating' as a part of the website name. It isn't a perfect idea, but it could 'thin the herd' when it comes to short term thinking type of people. I am not a master of relationships, but the one universal fact that all my happy relationships had was they started with genuine friendship. Maybe go to a site that has a hobby of yours as it's core purpose. You might find someone who values the same things you do. You never know if that might help your future teammate find you! Also, just work on yourself. I'm not trying to insinuate anything about you, but some things work out on their own schedule. Hell, blazing your own path might launch you into that person! I hope that helped. Good luck!

 

I was trying a few on-line dating sites, as well. Yes, I agree, it may be from the comfort of your own home. But, some of those people may be wanting information on you to actually find you. Some are great at 'hiding' what they do and their technique. Instead of giving a point-blank answer, I may give a very general answer. Instead of responding with the city I live in, I may respond with the county I live in. 'You' just never know who 'you' may be talking to!! If something seems to good to be true, or seems 'off' about the conversasion, it probably is.

 

Oh, I feel you, girl. The dating world is harsh! I agree with Shana-Kay, never trust someone too easily. I speak from experience and this knowledge wasn't exactly bestowed on me the easy way.

To avoid getting hurt:

1. You need to remember the reason you're trying this out at all. It's just to dip your toes in the water, so try to not hope to go full out scuba diving in a kiddy pool. Meaning: You're just trying to build your confidence here, not fall in love instantly.
2. A statistics by e-harmony says that 53% of online daters lie about age, height/weight, and job/income. Now that you know this, you know that anyone you're likely to meet is mostly lying about one thing or another.
3. Have fun. Flirt, but don't get swept off your feet. Always consider every new person you meet a possible friend. I am married for almost two years now but I'm still great pen pals with a guy I met online dating 4 years ago. (by 'pen pal', I mean more like WhatsApp pal. Haha)
4. I agree with Wendy Martin. If something sounds too good to be true, almost always, it just is!

I wish you all the luck in regaining your confidence and when the time comes and you find that prince charming, I wish you all the love you can get. In the meantime, learn all you have from your experiences with these 'profile pictures'. Eventually, you'll know what love is and right in time for the right guy.

 

Dating sites can be good but also can be a bad thing to joined with.If you are new to this,it is better for you to be very careful not to give your personal information.Never trust a person online without meeting them for real.Some people are scammers and they want to fool you because they need something from you.I have been in an online dating sites for years now.I meet someone there that pretended to be single but only to find out in the end he is already married.It was too late for me to realized that he is not true to his words.Anyways,not all people are bad that is why I am still looking for the right guy.

 

In my opinion, you can never avoid getting hurt. You are human and that's part of the experience. I know dating sites are touted as the way to meet people. I don't think for you that's the way to go. You sound like you are still vulnerable. What I would advise is give it a little time.

My friend, you need to be careful because if you allow yourself to continually be hurt, you will lose a piece of your soul. The problem is when 'the one' arrives you will have nothing to give. Guard your heart. Be selective of who you give it to.

I would recommend you read dating books The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good and I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.You also need to educate yourself on dating and relationships and find solutions that work for you. There is no template for life.

 

I have one answer and it is to control your feelings. The important thing to remember is sometimes it's best not to show your feelings all at once, and not to throw all your feelings because you don't know how they would feel and you don't know how things are gonna end up. It's not an easy task but it's important to recognize what your limits and boundaries are. It's not bad to be in dating sites but you should always know what you're getting yourself into.