The thing about (a ramble)

The thing about writing is- it just is. You get what I mean? It's not like singing or dancing or acting. No one ever asks you to casually write for them. Your parents don't boast about it to your relatives at a gathering, cuz I mean, what can you do? Write them a sonnet in 5 minutes? I think not.
The thing about me is- that I've never thought I was anyone special or particularly talented and I've never expected big things from myself, likewise. I like to have accomplishments, yes. But they're reduced to getting A's and my friends liking my new piece. But sometimes, well. I wish I was. You know? I was talented- the kind of talented that's in the face. Writers my age are that kind of talented. They write and win Commonwealth essays, write for newspapers, they get recognition. And honestly, this may seem like a huge ungrateful rant, but it's not. I like where I am, who I am. Mostly. But sometimes, you know, you crave for. Just. More. More. More.
The thing about me writing is- I want to write things that are...worth something. You know those music snobs who only listen to indie or rock bands or whatever? I want to be that indie band. For me, writing has always been doing what makes me happy. Mostly, I end up writing fanfics or teen fics. Cuz, I'm a fangirl. They make me happy, yes but honestly, they seem like cookie-cutter pop vs when I write, idk, poems or something very faux deep/ current issuey.
Hence, the thing about my writing is- it is a dilemma, an orthodox, a "kashmakash". It is cookie-cutter pop but it wants to be indie rock. It is a Maroon V song but it wants to be an Ashe one. It is a Cassandra Clare novel but it wants to be Sophie's World. In short, it is enjoyable, likeable, nice. But it is just that. All show no substance. I can write, sure. But that's all I can do. Write good. I'm not a...writer. Nice is such a lame word: It's just nice. Why isn't it amazing? Beautiful? Moving?
But, but, but, the truth is: I like cookie-cutter pop. I like things that are nice. What is wrong with being just nice? It's nice. I'm nice. I'm cookie-cutter pop. My life is normal- more cliched, middle class, kind of intellectual teenage girl normal than ever.
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I honestly dont know what I wanted to accomplish (ha) by writing this. You can see it as whatever you want: a rant, mindless gibberish, a wish or even, dare I say it, cookie-cutter pop that's pretending to be self aware but just ends up being cringey